An incident report recently came across my desk that went a little something like this:
"During a recent fire alarm while checking the building to ensure that all occupants were out of the building, we found NAME (deleted so I don't get fired) asleep in her bed. We tried for several minutes to wake her up and we were finally able to get a response out of her. "I didn't set off the fucking alarm" she said as she rolled over in bed and attempted to go back to sleep. We asked her again to get out of bed and exit the building and she said "I told you, I didn't set off the fucking alarm." We finally convinced her to leave the building and as she was walking out of the door she realized she didn't have any shoes on. She went into her closet and put on one boot, she then attempted to put her purse on her other foot. She attempted to buckle it several times and became quite frustrated. After a few minutes, she threw the purse down and said "fuck it" and walked out of the building with one boot."
10 points for our security guards for their thorough reporting.
20 points to drunkipants for thinking that her purse would make excellent footware.